Dear Diary: Gabriella
by SouthernStars
Summary: My response to Saawariya's 'Dear Diary' challenge, chronicling seven milestones in Gabriella's life starting with first day of senior year.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own 'High School Musical' or any related characters.**

**A/N: Okay, so I guess you've all guessed that this is a response to the Diary challenged set by Bright Starlight. I called dibs on Gabriella the moment I read it and had the indescribable urge to just **_**write**_** an urge I haven't gotten in quite a while. I hope you all enjoy! **

_**Dear Diary: Gabriella**_

**CHAPTER 1**

**FIRST DAY; SENIOR YEAR**

Dear Diary,

Today was the first day of my senior year. Today was the first day Sharpay was pointedly nice to me. Today was the beginning of the end. Today terrified me.

I know, I know. It may seem slightly weird that something like going back to school would scare me so much, but you have no idea how much I was hoping for the summer to never end. After the whole Country Club debacle, my summer was completely awesome. Everything for the very first time in my life was perfect. I mean, I had friends who I adored and got to see nearly every day of the long, hot Albuquerque summer, I had steady income which meant that I didn't have to call up my mom to ask for more money and I had Troy, who I saw every single day outside of work as well as during and who spent the entire summer trying to make up for what he had done at the beginning and for some weird reason, him trying to do that never wore thin. In fact, it got to the point that whenever I saw him, I went bright red because that's what happens whenever Troy does something unbelievably sweet…or just looks at me, take your pick. The point is, my summer was wonderful and the closer the end of it came, the more scared I got of going back to school. Don't get me wrong, I love school. It challenges me. But as the today drew closer, I began to feel that much more terrified of going back and the thing is I didn't know why it terrified me up until Troy leaned over to kiss me at lunch time.

God, it was so weird that the realization occurred when Troy went to kiss me. I was just so…out-of-it up until that moment. I mean, I had this feeling in my stomach when I woke up this morning. Like something was wrong with today or maybe something was wrong with me. I'm not sure which. The feeling never left my stomach through out my morning routine; it sort of disappeared for a moment when Troy picked me up but I think that was because I was with Troy and when I'm with him I don't really concentrate on anything but him. Which I guess is a good thing, at least I think it is, am I meant to do that though? Am I meant to concentrate on nothing but my boyfriend until he has to go somewhere? Is that a normal thing for me, or anyone else, to do? I mean, Taylor doesn't concentrate solely on Chad when he's around and I know that Kelsi pays about as much attention to Jason as Sharpay pays to anyone but herself, so does that mean that I'm not normal? Does that mean that I'm too…never mind. I'm way off subject, way, way off subject. That sometimes happens when I start thinking or writing about Troy, I just sort of let myself go.

Anyway, back to today and that feeling. It came back when Troy pulled into the student parking lot. It was so odd, all I'd done was catch a glimpse of the school and suddenly the feeling came back, it was like I'd been hit with a sledge hammer or something. The feeling was just so strong and when it hit, I felt like I was going to be sick. I'm being serious, my stomach jerked so much that I felt like I was going to throw up right there. I didn't. Thank God, or otherwise Troy wouldn't have been very happy with me. He wasn't after that anyway, because I wouldn't tell him exactly why I sunk back into my seat the way I did when we reached school. That's the annoying thing about Troy, he knows when something's up with me and he won't let it go until I tell him and I did tell him about it…eventually. But I can't really explain why I felt like that; I mean I've never in my entire life felt like that. Not even when Sharpay was trying to steal Troy away from me and I felt quite a few things during those weeks because I felt like I was losing Troy.

Anyway, back to my day. After the whole shrinking in my seat thing, I sort of regained whatever composure the feeling in my stomach hadn't destroyed and at least managed to make it to my locker before it, sort of, really took hold and I guess I can give Troy credit for that as well. After he got annoyed at me for not telling him what was wrong, he did what he'd sort of grown accustomed to I guess. We got out of the car and he slung his arm around my neck, the way he always does when we're walking. He's really gotten into that lately, it's like holding my hand isn't enough anymore. Don't get me wrong, I love it when he does that, it makes me feel…safe I guess. And it definitely made the feeling in my stomach go away. Even though he was annoyed at me and we both knew it. Anyway, we got to my locker and I opened it and Troy mumbled something about leaving and before I could respond he was gone. I wasn't even all that upset about him leaving either, I was too busy trying to get over the fact that the stupid feeling in my stomach came back as soon as he was out of my sight and it just wouldn't leave me alone.

It didn't leave me alone when Taylor came up and started squealing because she hadn't seen me in all of three days, it didn't leave me alone when Sharpay was being pointedly nice to me and spent a grand total of five minutes complimenting me on every single part of my outfit, which seemed completely odd to me because I was wearing a pair of jeans, a shirt that had a slogan on it that made my mother blush and nearly drop her bowl of cereal this morning and Troy's hoodie simply because the slogan made him laugh so hard when he read it, he told me I had to wear the hoodie otherwise he wouldn't be able to look at me without laughing, mind you this is before the whole sinking in my seat thing, so Troy wasn't annoyed with me. Anyway, I got severely freaked out by Sharpay being so nice, so freaked out in fact that Ryan actually had to come along and drag Sharpay away from me, and that stupid feeling was still there when Ryan smiled at me before grasping Sharpay's wrist and dragging her away. God, that happened all before homeroom and that stupid feeling still wouldn't leave.

It stayed in my stomach during homeroom, even when Miss Darbus decided that it was fine to lecture us all on the importance of senior year, I still don't understand how we ended up with her for senior year. That was the weird thing. Every class I was in, the teacher would start talking about senior year, how it determined our future and how we had to try our hardest and every time, _every freaking time_, the teacher opened their mouth that feeling in my stomach grew stronger until I was positive I was either going to throw up or burst into tears, neither of which I really wanted to do. I guess the fact that Troy was sort of being cold with me made it worse too, I'm still not used to Troy being annoyed at me and not talking to me, it really puts me off and so I basically went through all my periods before lunch feeling like I wanted to cry or throw up and I hate feeling like that, especially the crying part because the last time I cried (excluding when I watched any sad movies) was when I broke up with Troy at the beginning of the summer.

Somehow, by whatever God that loves me, I did manage to get to lunch without the feeling taking over completely or reacting to any of the impulses that had taken residence and here I was sitting at the 'jock table' as Taylor likes to call it, even though she sits there as well, next to Troy who seemed to have forgiven me for not telling him what was wrong this morning, thinking about the feeling in my stomach when Troy turned to me and leaned in and as soon as I did it, I recognized the feeling in my stomach. I was _afraid_. I was afraid because today, my first day as a senior at East High, the only school I've stayed at for longer than six months, the only school that I've managed to make really good friends at, the only school that I've had a boyfriend at, a boyfriend who totally adores me too, really was the beginning of the end of my high school years. That's what frightened me, it was ending, everything was slowly ending. _Today was the beginning of the end_. I can't get that out of my head, I can't get the fact that senior year is beginning and that at the end of this year, I'm going to lose everything that I've always wanted. It just won't leave! And this information hit me as Troy went to kiss me and I freaked out. I did the only thing that registered in my mind. I ran.

I just ran, leaving Troy hanging and everyone staring at me. God, it was horrible because I ran into the hallway and headed for Troy's secret spot, because I wanted to be along with my thoughts and all I could think about was the fact that I was afraid because today was the beginning of the end and it made no sense for me to be running, it made no sense for me to be afraid, it made no sense for me to feel anything. But I was, hell, I still am the only difference between then and now is I know I'm not the only one that's scared. Troy followed me after he'd recovered from the whole me running away thing. I really don't know how he knew where I was going, but he found me and as soon as I saw him, I burst into tears, which really alarmed him. But I couldn't help it, the feeling, which I knew was fear, had really taken me over and it was either cry or throw up and as soon as I saw Troy, crying seemed like a pretty good option.

So I cried, completely exhausting myself too. I just couldn't stop the tears. I felt like a little girl who was lost and I hated that feeling but I did. Troy was awesome though, he held me until my tears stopped, even though I knew he felt uncomfortable, he's not too good with me crying, but he dealt with it pretty well. As soon as I stopped crying, he asked me what was up and I told him. I have no idea how he understood what I was saying because I wouldn't stop hiccoughing and stammering, but he did and you know what he did after I'd finished telling him what was wrong? He laughed and kissed me, muttering something about how adorable I was for thinking it was all going to end as soon as the year finished. I really wanted to be mad at him for treating it so lightly, but I just couldn't be. We stayed up on the rooftop for quite a while, so long in fact that we managed to miss sixth period and for once I didn't care, because I really didn't want to deal with the teachers lecturing me on how I needed to do well this year, to get into the college of my choice. I spent that entire time, clinging to Troy and just before we had to go so we wouldn't miss our other classes, Troy managed to gently remind me that I wasn't the only one terrified about senior year, I was just the only one that bothered to show it.

God, I'm so glad I have Troy. I don't think I would have handled seventh period or hanging out with everyone else afterwards as well as I did. I don't think I would have gotten through today without him either. Now that I think back on it, today was pretty screwed up though, but I survived and I think that's what it really comes down too. Today still is the first day of my senior year, today still is the day Sharpay was being pointedly nice to me and today still is the beginning of the end and I'm still terrified, but I feel a lot better knowing that I'm not the only one feeling this way and knowing too that even though its my last year of high school, its going to be my best too.

Love,

Gabriella

**A/N: So, was that okay? Horrible? See, I'm not used to writing diary format so this is a challenge for me and I guess I tried to stay true to Gabriella's character, I can't see her being sarcastic or horrible even in a diary and I didn't want it to become a diary entry where it sort of turned into a first person story. I don't think many people write out every conversation that they've had during the day. Still I don't know if I handled that well enough, anyway, let me know! **


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own 'High School Musical' or any related characters.**

**A/N: Anyway, here's the next chapter to Saawirya's 'Dear Diary' challenge, I hope you all enjoy!**

_**Dear Diary: Gabriella**_

**CHAPTER 2**

**FALLLING IN LOVE **

Dear Diary,

Do you know that the definition of love is: 'if you love someone you have strong emotional feelings of affection for them'? Do you know I have the smallest, tiny, miniscule feeling in the pit of my stomach that's telling me I am forming strong emotional feelings of affection for Troy Bolton? Do you know I'm so screwed up over this that I actually am beginning to stumble over my words whenever I'm near him?

Seriously falling in love with Troy is probably the last thing on my things-to-do-before-I-graduate list. Skydiving is higher on my list than falling in love with Troy. _Skydiving_. I'm afraid of heights. Go figure. Anyway, I am falling head over heels in love with Troy Bolton, surprised? Cause I sure am. What the hell am I meant to do about it? Seriously, its not like either of us even thought we would get this far in our relationship, I mean Sharpay's always that stupid constant threat _despite_ what she says, Troy's only just beginning to get over the whole I'm-jealous-of-Ryan thing and with our little screw-ups here and there it's a wonder we haven't killed each other yet. I mean, I'm constantly saying things that make him feel completely stupid, not that he is, its just the way he is and he's constantly pointing out my lack of sporting finesse that apparently is 'essential' to being Troy Bolton's girlfriends. It leads me to consider that the cheerleaders have only hooked up with my boyfriend and never actually gone out with him because seriously, my lack of sporting finesse relates to a relationship with Troy _how_? God, I'm even avoiding talking about this stupid subject on paper, at twelve o'clock at night when I should be asleep because I've got a very long, very emotionally draining deep and meaningful conversation with Taylor happening tomorrow or today, whatever, and I need my sleep for that.

What I _don't_ need is to be falling in love with Troy Bolton? What the hell am I meant to do? What am I going to say to him when I have to explain why I blush and have trouble forming coherent sentences around him? What's _he_ going to say when he finds out that I've gone and done the thing that he hasn't expected me to do? I mean, I told him, clearly and precisely, at the beginning of our relationship that I had no romantic delusions about us and that I most probably won't fall in love with him. Seriously, our conversation went something like this:

'_Troy I don't expect to be spoiled or given roses every Monday during the course of this relationship and I seriously don't expect you to fall in love with me cause I'm not going to fall in love with you. Okay?' _

_'Sure. And when you fall in love with me and I fall in love with you, I'll let you panic about it before forcing you to tell me what's wrong. Okay?'_

Or something to that affect anyway. God, he saw this coming! What the hell? How did he see this coming and what did he mean by he's going to let me panic about it? Oh my God, I'm just analyzing this conversation now? How could I forget to do that? How could I seriously missed that little sentence? I. Am. So. Stupid. The stupid idiot knew that I was going to fall in love with him and he knew that I would panic about it before he forced me to tell him what was wrong! I want to strangle him so much right now! I cannot believe he saw this coming and I didn't! How did he see this coming!

Oh my God, oh my God. What am I meant to do? I can't kill Troy because I'm falling in love with him, I can't ask him how he saw this coming because, technically, that could have been his ego talking and, well, it such a Troy thing to do. I mean he knew this was going to happen! He knew I was going to start to fall in love with him! Why am I going over this again? Oh yeah, I am now so severely freaked out by this that I want to curl up under my comforter, suck my thumb and rock myself to sleep the way I did when I was little and hiding from the boogeyman. This is just brilliant. I mean, what's Taylor going to say tomorrow when I tell her that I'm falling in love with Troy? She'll probably get on the phone to her older sister and ask to add an eleventh rule to her ten foolproof ways or whatever one that involved falling in love and boys! God! What am I meant to do? Troy is so going to know what's going even before I open my mouth! I mean he did see this coming and here I am wondering what I'm meant to do.

Maybe I could tell him and then say that I'm going to try my hardest to start _un_-falling in love with him. That could do it. Or maybe I could tell him that I've started to fall in love with him and that we should take a break before I actually or fall. Or maybe I could just tell him that he was right, I was wrong and I've already done my panicking. Or maybe I could just accept the fact that I'm falling head over heels, sappy-romance-novel, totally clichéd in love with him and, before his ego gets to big, that it has nothing to do with how he plays basketball or what he looks like or those gorgeous blue eyes of his that seem to just know everything and absolutely everything to do with the way his eyes crinkle when he flashes his grin and the way that when I sleep over at his place he actually makes an effort to clean up his room or that before he drinks something for the first time he eyes it suspiciously before taking a sip and deeming it acceptable or when he's dealing with small children he's just so gentle and he knows what to do to make them laugh or the way he'll listen even when he doesn't want to or even when he chooses to put everyone else before him (disregarding when Sharpay's gotten her claws into him) and then suddenly remember that it might be a smart idea to do that himself.

And I've just realized that I'm not falling in love with the guy people see at school, I'm falling in love with _my_ guy. And that maybe the definition of love isn't enough, and maybe the feeling in my stomach is right and maybe when I blush and stumble over my words around him, I'm doing it because even against my own wishes and panic, this was going to happen anyway and I should be pretty happy that I'm falling for someone who saw it coming. And I'll probably be all that when I've had sleep and the actual panic has subsided.

Love,

Gabriella

**A/N: I know its short, but I think that's essential. I think if Gabriella was falling in love with Troy than she's more likely to panic and be incoherent than float on a fluffy cloud and tell him. I hope I got that across! And the definition of love just seemed like a Gabriella thing to me, I mean she probably would want to know what she was getting herself into! **


End file.
